‡-- 3 D’S --‡

As I stare at the image of the brown skinned gal on the mirror looking back at me, with eyes that hold 1001 questions, the only thing that I wonder is – what is so different about her? She has same features that would automatically earn her ticket to the human group but why? Why cant she be accepted for who she is?

Just because she may not speak the same lingo like others, does that make her less human? She may not be ur typical Indian girl but that does not mean she doesn’t have feelings? Day in day out people judge her by the way she is. Speak a different language than the one ur ‘so-called-supposed” to talk and ur branded as someone who has forgotten her roots. What a hypocrite world!!

But hell, yeah.. She may not be ur ideal indian girl but that does not mean she has forgotten her roots. She may be a half coconut but on the other hand obviously knows what is the use of a coconut in the Indian culture. So how can she be ur Americanized Indian gal when she’s an Indian by heart? Hence, why the discrimination???

As if discrimination aint enough, she has to be slapped with deception. Talk bout one after another. False promises, never ending sweet talks, unnecessary hopes given that was never intended to be fulfilled in the first place.

All she could do is just wonder, what has she done to receive all this? All she had done was to sit in one corner of the world, minding her own stuff n people come, feed her with all these hopes and dreams. Why? Why such lies? Life has become like a time bomb. SO unpredictable. But only one thing is for sure – misery.

Deceptions. Whats with all this deceitful people? Is it just sour grapes or are they plain lifeless? *shudders* gosh the amount of chicaneries and lies… One after another, rumors and fabrications, each giving a bigger impact than the other.

All this oni leading to Devastation. As I continue to stare at her image, tears start rolling down her cheeks. However, the lips were curled in a smile. So much of pain yet smiling around. The smile of hope – that tomorrow would be a better day.

How long more would she have to go through all this? Only time can answer that question. There is only one hope that I could see in her eyes – the hope of mere happiness. Free from the 3 D’s = Discrimination, Deception and Devastation. Shall then she smile with every once of happiness bottled up in her.

* Discrimination….Deception …Devastation*

||-- LoVe --|| I Love You Yes... YOU.... Hey now... dont look around its YOU im talking about Whats with the surprised look? Dont look at me like that hun Ur penetrating look kills me It tickles ever single cell in me Bringing out that girlish feeling, I never thought i'll ever experience. aww.... *blushing* Enough with that smile of urs too darling so cheeky yet seductive hehehe... i know that u know it all Everything that's runing in my mind But do you have to smile and show it??? *shy shy* Thanks to u kutty, im now smiling to myself Sounds crazy??? hell...yeah!!! With you beside, Ordinary nights are no longer the same Empty dreams are filled with us, Us- living happily under one roof Its YOU who brough this love in me And its YOU that my heart yearns for To be Urs n Urs Alone The sense of being belonged- Speecless .... Being belonged to YOU - No one word in the dictionary can define that I never know what ill do without u... Nor the happiness and light you have brought My darling kutty..... You are always My life....My baby... My kutty.... I LOVE YOU..... *Muaks Muaks Muaks*

Ξ-- f|eRyJuNgLe ------> f|eRy + JuNgLe --Ξ

7 days that felt like 7 years since she last heard from him. Numerous calls till she lost count. All done with one hope, just one – to hear his voice. To know that he’s fine. Again n again she tried. Till fingers became sore.

The number of sleepless nights increased. She couldn’t bring herself to even catch a few winks. Simply because she didn’t wanted to miss his call. Each time the phone rang, she answered hoping it would be him.

What could have happened? Never was she in such a situation before. Each second passed with fear. As much as she hoped he was fine, she couldn’t digest the rising fear in her.

Standing there, helplessly, she called and asked everyone she knew. Various people gave myriad hypothesis. Each being so different from another. Which to believe – she had no idea. Hope..hope… and hope it was…

Hoping he would call her. A miss call at least. Just to know his fine. What had she don’t for fate to take such a twist? Why would he just vanish into the thin air? He was the one who thought her the power of love. N now his the one, who is teaching her to give up on love.

With every ticking moments, she could sense her hopes fading n her retreating back to the 4 walls she was once locked up in. why did he do this to her? WHY? That was the only thing she wanted to know.

He once boasted that he knew every single thing about her. How she feels, how she thinks, how she reacts…yes, reacts. If he claimed to know all that, wouldn’t he know now how she felt with his absence? The thoughts that would be running in her mind?How she would react when she doesn’t hear from me? then why do this?

As she brooded about it, only one thing seemed crystal clear. He never lover her as much as he claimed to have. It was she the one who had been pouring endless love into this relationship.

Mind boggling isn’t it. seeing the fact that it was he who came to her, claiming to be in love with her. Now, once she had felt that comfort zone called LOVE n started accommodating to it, with his silence alone, he has chased her away.

She’s back to her 4 walls. The walls that kept her away from the virus called LOVE. She has had enough. Actions speak louder than words. His silence and absence alone has thought her so much. She has once walked this path. Now she would have to walk it again, only this time the path is more challenging.

Filled with thorns and memories of him penetrating her battered soul, she walks the path… the path of sorrow, the path she never thought she would walk again since she had him, the path that spelled misery.

Deep down, she still hopes that someday he would return. A return that would answer her one and only question – WHY…. Till then, as she walks, she hopes with tears running down her face…..

*Never ending cries*

§ LoVe-hate WorLd §

I love chocolates

I hate escalators

I want to sleep n sleep

I don’t want to work

I love coffee

I hate insects

I want to go back home

I don’t want vegetables

I love story books

I hate charlatans

I want to be hugged n kissed

I don’t want to be cheated

I love Manchester United

I hate sad movies

I want to be the Prime Minister

I don’t want discrimination

I love black

I hate spicy food

I want a loquacious world

I don’t want liars

I love MiRC

I hate poetry

I want to have a dog shelter

I don’t want sympathy

I love talking

I hate alcholics

I want a magical life

I don’t want deadlines

I love caffeine

I hate packing n unpacking

I want a Cinderella love life

I don’t want poverty

I love debating

I hate traffic jams

I want to drive properly

I don’t want to tie my hair

I love rasam n bread

I hate Mr.Pipps

I want to speak English, Tamil n BM fluently

I don’t want to do housework

I love Coca Cola

I hate skirts

I want to attend classes online

I don’t want to pay my bills

I love my friends

I hate long boring lectures

I want 30 hours a day

I don’t want to clean my room

I love my family

I hate rude people

I love u

n yet I hate u

*winks wink winks*

♥-- f|eRyJuNgLe --♥

As she walks down the isle, all she sees is him, standing there with his arms open, looking at her as if she was the only thing that mattered to him. As she took one step after the other, the mass crowd the surrounded them seem to vanish from sight. It was him she wanted, his warm yet safe embrace, his soft lips that always knew the right way to find hers, the comforting voice of his that knew just the rite moment to whisper those 3 magical words in her ears…it was him n only him that her heart yearned for…

How fate had brought them together seemed a mystery….

One moment he was a total stranger for her, and the next moment, before you could even say “Hocos Pocus”, he was everything she could think of. He was in every sentence she uttered….every cell that filled her…every breath she took, it had him in it…..

He was the sweetest thing she had ever seen. More than anything, he gave her hope. Hope n dreams to live again. A life she thought she would never have. He gave her courage to walk the path which she had once taken but failed to reach the desired destination…it wasn’t mere words. He was there, beside her, holding her, guiding her as she walked.

Each day, she would wake up hearing his voice. Through out the day, it was his voice that lingered in her ears…his teasing that never failed to curve a smile on her face each time she recalled…

It was so easy to talk to him… all her weakness….her fears….her embarrassment… things she would never dream of telling someone other than her own mirror image…experiences which she could never fine words to describe…it all came our like water from a pipe.. so fast.. so accurate.. describing each account vividly..

All the time she spoke, he listened with a smile on his countenance, hearing each word uttered with full attention as if it was the most vital thing in the world… each time she related her mortification, he knew the right way to laugh not at her, but together with her…n at the end of all that, he accurate time to say “I love you”

Boredom was never in their dictionary. Let it be 10 minutes or 10 hours, they always had something to talk.. there was never a silent moment… be it filled with words or kisses, it felt so complete.

The myriad times he told her stories of how they would be in future. Those words were not mere lexicons but it showed the love he has for her. More than that, the hope he held for both of them.

The whole euphoric aura that surrounded her was priceless. It kept her smiling n dreaming. More than once she had questioned herself, is he the right one? Would she be suitable for him? And all the time she had the same question being thrown back at her – could she live without him?

As she blinked, she found herself back in the isle. His smiling face greeted her. She knew that he knew she had been reminiscing their sweet moments together. He always knew. Words were only a mere tool for they could speak volumes just by silence.

When she reached the podium, he greeted her with a hug n a peck on her forehead. Together, they turned and faced the priest. She felt her hands in his warm hands. As she stood there listening to the priest, she knew this was the moment. The fantasy that she had always dreamt of. The moment her dreams were all gonna come true. She had found her true love and together, they would be embarking on the journey of life as ONE!!!

*Loving You Kutty*

§-- MORTIFICATION --§

“I TALK WHILE I SLEEP” ahhhhhhhhhhhh……. As if being branded as loquacious aint enough, now I gotta open that mouth of mine which by the way I treasure lots.. kekeke… even while I sleep… I mean Give me a break!!! Well in this scenario, give that lil mouth of mine a break….

The least I could have done was to mumble something intelligent…. Thinking about it, I could have recited Newton’s Laws or Calculus theorems.. but no no no… out of all, guess what I mumbled?

Sham (in her usual dufus manner) :- “mummy, hungry….whats for lunch”

- thanks lina for tellinng me the first thing in the morning:P

*slaps slaps*

Look at that…. Im talking bout food!!! Haha.. I cant deny its one of my favourite thing (yes arrwin, “one of” and not “the only”) but still….

*sigh*

OBVIOUSLY not my bright moments…. Embarrassing moments to be more précised….

Actually coming to think of it, embarrassing moment n my life somehow share a close bond…

*sets of on a journey down memory lane*

Spilling entire 1 liter of water on Maheshini’s head in Science class during my primary 5, resulting in both of us looking like fools in front of the whole class.. hehe… kinda stupid when I think bout it..but truly, I was INNOCENT... Yea yea… innocentttt …..there I was, innocently sitting n drinking my water when boredom crept in..all I did was ask her, do u mind if I spill this entire bottle of water on u, n I still remember her telling ms, “You Dare Ah??”… kekekeke…. N there she was, the next moment drenched…

*regretting* i had to go waterless for the entire day….

Embarrassing??? Lol.. wait till u come across two trouble makers figting in malls.. keke.. how puerile but that’s just our trademark…. We fight over what biscuits to buy every Sunday, what t-shirt we get to buy, who gets to push the grocery cart while mum shops n over ne other peripheral issues u can never imagine… the humiliating part of this whole squabbles is, unlike other siblings who fight quietly, both of us are a lil bit different…we sure make it public resulting in my mum having to pinch both of us…

No kidding k…ask GAMA workers and c… I bet they remember seeing Arrwin turning red with tears n i try to fight both tears n laughter from bursting and creating a scence… kekeke.. those moment :P

Escalator being on of the winners in my Never Ending List Of Phobias has caused more than enough mortification than I can ever imagine… ever since falling down the escaator n landing at the bottom of it like Humpty Dumpty when i was 14, its undeniable that when it comes to escalators, netime neday I would choose stairs over it…

Gurney plaza is witness enough…. Al those times I had to let people pass by me while I stand at the top of the escalator counting 1 2 3 before taking the first step when my friends would have already reached the bottom, waiting for me…

Laugh laugh laugh… but oni I know how I feel…

*sentimental moment*

Having had lose count of all those random strangers that tell me no to be afraid, n some who even volunteer to hold my hand, ahhh so MALUFYING…out of all phobia, I had to land with one that causes such mortification… how ironic…..

Kekekeke all this talk of embarrassing moments only reminds me of the myriad times my shoes that has given way resulting in walking bare footed in INTEC…. Rite lyn??? Lol….

Instead of the usual shabby dressing mode of mind, one day, one fine day, I decide to wear something nice… n guess what happens? Here I am, walking as graceful as I can (kekekekek) n suddenly… SNAP….

*gasp* - looking frantically to c if neone’s looking….

why why why??? why me??

Thanks to the ko-op aunty who sells Japanese slipper for RM 9.50.. can u bliv that??? Rm 9.50 for one freaking pair of Japanese slippers that does not even have a sponge bob or Garfield pic on it..

whats happening to the world nowdays??

And thanks to my wonderful sandals that can never stop giving way (officially declared – I love runners n runners alone… no more heels or sandals), I have ended up buying that freaking expensive Japanese slippers 3 times.. unbelievable??? Well BELIEVE IT!!!!

How embarrassing…… kekeke.. yet thinking bout all this makes me laugh…

I am still terrified of escalators as I am of cockroaches…

No no no.. am not getting into that phobia.. too many, I mean really really countless episodes that spell humiliation when it comes to roaches… kekeke

N I bet my shoes would still give way sometime…

but that’s just what that makes my life spicy.. a lil bit of here n there….. :such a hybrid :P lol....

*shy shy shy*

F*CKING SOB May all liars burn in hell let u rot n rot n rot having a slow but painful death for all the rumors u spread for the lies u have told for the ppl u have cheated u fucking asshole all i wish is for u to die yes, die u bastard DIE for thats how much grieve u have caused ull never know the meaning of care nor frens who do so all u know is ur lust the raging hormones u can never control all along there for u helping n trusting ur stupid story just coz i am a good fren but u SOB u used my own care against me die die die just evaporate u made me cry once for ur limitless lust n now u make me cry again for ur malicious lies i have lost my love thanks to u but im a survivor while ur a loser fuck u asshole chemical romance my foot ull die someday... even slugs wont eat u u sinful creature but u will rot n ill be there laughing at u seing all ur lies wrapping u while u scream in agony n that day shall be my day fot truth never dies FUCK U CHEMICAL ROMANCE!!!

‡--TAGGEDDDDD--‡

I AM TAGGED…gracias Ash..... never knew she had a special interest to know weird things bout me… kekekek…..

Well here goes….

6 WeIrD ThiNgs AbouT A NatuRaLLy WeIrD OnE…..

1) Shawls..Shawls and more Shawls....One tied around like a skirt, one on the head and one on the hand, I like to wear them and dance around my house at night… Guess it kinda releases tension and improves my dancing skills… kekekeke…..

2) Rain …Rain… Don’t go away…. LiL ShaM wants to Play…. Lol… I love playing in the rain…But, before playing, I like to mix Ribena n let it chill..once I come back, wet in the rain, love to drink the cold Ribena..gives a kinda chilled sensation…. Lol… not to forget a Confirmed Visit from Mr.Flu..

3) I love scribbling tables… YESSSS… hehe..a lil bit of vandalism..never like using a rough paper to do math or while writing essays..just like scribbling on the table… P.S – should check out my desk in INTEC…:P

4) Luv the combination of Chocoholate Cubes (Cadbury) + Nescaffe + One Caffeine PiLL all mixed in one large mug, sitting on my couch, wrapped in my blankie, drinking my ShaMzOmoCha…..

5) Standing rite below the sun, trying to feel the heat n c how far I can take it….feeling that hot rays penetrate my skin…standing there as long as I can just before running for shelter n start complaining its Freaking Hot and Reprimanding myself for doing it…. keke.. till today I wonder y I even do that…:P

6) Each time im eating in a shop, I like to play with the remainder food, mixing all the left overs, adding ketchup, pepper n nething I lay my eyes on, creating A GROSS GLOB n then tasting it… just one teeny weeny touch of it…

I assure u I am 100% sane….. really… trust me…. I AM… :P

*chuckles devilishly*

My time to tag… la la laa…

N the winners of the Chocafeinoholic Awards Year 2007/2008 goes to :-

1. Khi..Khi...Khirul

2. Dyan Da Diva

3. Alicia Loon

4. Kugs

5. Dr House

6. Shin Yau

*Creep Creepy Creeps*

``BiZZare NiteS``

The sound of the siren

“It’s the sound which a vampire gives before coming after you” that was what my fren(cant’ remember who) said…. At this moment, all I could hear was that sound.. as I retreated back into the four walls, I felt the sound closing by me….

The vampire in red, with two white fangs… dark black hair n I mean extremely dark black hair that contradicted her white pale skin…all she did was sing that siren while wearing a huge grin on her face…

She was out to get me!!!!!

Beside her was a court jester laughing his heads off at me…. as he pointed at the angel beside him, laughing mockingly at me…all I could think was do so many people actually hate me? what a self discovery during the last few moments of my life….

Darn it.. why the hell did I talk so much? The vampire was after me coz I talked to much… at least that’s what I knew…me n my loquacious nature… now im so in for it…

Standing there, watching her close in while my chances of a narrow escape became thinner n thinner….

So helpless....so clueless… terror reaching to the maximum heights….

What was I gonna do???

Suddenly a noise interrupted the siren….. it was a familiar sound… the sound I hear daily….

My phone rang….

Mummy :- good morning baby… sleeping ah?

Damm it was a dream… a dream that was so vivid that I actually woke up with one hell of a scared look on my face….

What a way to wake me up….Bizarre…

To think of it, for this past months, I have been having very weird dreams… some that evaporates as the days goes by, some still vividly lingering in my mind….

I can never forget the dream I hate 2 weeks ago… all of a sudden, im in front of Eiffel Tower with Nadiah…. Gawd knows how I even dreamt of Eiffel tower when I have never been there…

But the peculiar part was, we were being chased by a group of men in black… I still remember the group leader was called Gringo… a spanish guy with tanned skin, wearing a black suit and sunglasses n gun in his hand…(i have never seen him b4)

We were being chased because we had the Holy Grail…. N this guys wanted it… I mean, is this strange or what??? Suddenly we find ourselves landing at an airport… I think it was italy.. that’s what the sign board said….

Somehoe I remember us trying to outrun the mafias… n they following us… as we ran n ran, all we c is nad’s family n my family both waiting at the entrance….

The next moment :- we get into the car n off we are at pelita nasi kandar…

Gosh… I don’t have the slightest clue of what I dreamt… even worst, the coherence of the whole dream…..

What with another dream of me n karthik participating in Amazing race which had people i least expected turning up and filled with weird obstacles n I was actually wearing a saree while running….. and my dream where it has something to do with ramanen and some aussie gal I have never seen before….

Somehow, I just cant UNDERSTAND how do people or places I have never seen actually appear in my dream….

Arrwin :- Mika, u eating too much la..thats y getting all this weird dreams…

Mum :- blog it n send to me..i wanan read…

Dad :- don’t think bout all this nonsence… just take care…

Arghhhhhhhh…NO ONE wants to tell me WHY am I having weird dreams…..

The mystery remains……

*Summerland turned NiteMare*

~~Hair Obsession!!! ~~

My LateSt HoBBy For Now - Hairstyles...

I JUST CANT STOP DOING STHING TO MY HEAD!!!

*slaps slaps* keke..

here i am, freshly 3 weeks after a new hair color - ultra light golden blonde and still wondering what i can do....

3.30pm - after math class..... the strong wind blowing n me in slippers (yeah poor poor me.... i got an infected toe thus cannot wear shoes).... in the cold, walking against the strong breeze, hehe, just to find the hair saloon.... each step taken with full of courage - lol...cant help being dramatic...

neway lets cut the chase... so i stumble upon this new hair saloon n stood there, wondering what can i do... bleaching has ALWAYS been sthing stuck in one corner of my mind... so since im already there n la la la..soo waa do sthing with my hair, decided to go with streak bleaching...

*not the whole head* - i dont wana look like cruella in 101 dalmatians...hehehe....

according to erica, the hair stylist, my hair was already in a blondishh manner...all i could do was streak it bleach to make it yellowish... haha.. sounds interesting aite...so off i went.... on a jourey of transformation... from a dyed blondish to a streak bleached blond...

2 long hours later

*parental advisory needed for those below 13* - kekekeke

3 weeks ago :- ULtrA LigHt AsH BLoNde

*the hairdo which cost me USD 90 ++* - darn the tax....

2day :- BleAcheD HighLiGhTs

*a USD 110 VITAL expenditure*

well, im officially broke now.. :( but i luv the new color... oh yeahh luvvvv it.... only prob is "- my parents have no idea... lol... im sooo in for it... god save the princess...

*NeveR EnDiNg TraNsfoRmaTiOn*

||--LoVe....HuGs...KiSSeS....--||

6 months…24 days….13 hours….38 minutes…..52 seconds…..

Since I felt the touch of my mum, since I ruffled my brother’s hair teasingly, since I last felt the embrace of my dad, since I was last felt the warmth of my darling dogs….

“I wanna go home”

I have said this myriad times…day in day out….but truly, as days pass by, I feel more n more homesick…suprising?? Yeah all those hopes that ill settle in n blend… to a certain extent, yes… but there’s dis part of me that wants to be home…

Gonna be 20 in exactly 3 months time, telling myself repeatedly to be more matured, less puerile, trying to break free from the loving clutch of my home, its all in vain…

Y fake it? i know im pampered… lol.. yes Khirul, I admit…but I love it…I luv the fact that my family misses me like mad….the fast that my brother awaits me….my mum’s counting the days for me to be back... (the same countdown I have – 69 days more), my dad drops my name in every conversation they share daily….

“I wanna go home”

Sitting on my bed, tears flowing down, feeling so helpless, it feels like history repeats again…once again, I feel like a 6 year old, standing all alone, waiting for the comforting hands of my dad to walk me to my mum only to be hugged n kissed…

I miss all those nites " when mum coerces me to brush my teeth n me being the lazy one, glued to the comp, refusing to move…. N then she comes over with my toothbrush, n brushes for me while that little menace stands n laughs…"

where else can I find such love….such moments when my mum fusses over me…. Though I gotta withstand the taunts n jeers from that lil bro of mine… haha.. but who cares, his just like me… the same pampered kiddo…

Not in america, not in the snow, not even in online shopping….

I just wanna go home….

69 days to pass b4 im back to the place I belong….69 days which seem like 69 months...

*A HeaRts YearNiNg*

^^cLoYinG ChaRLataNs^^

When over sweetness turns ultra bitter, all u do is wonder…. Which is better??? The cloyingness which drives u up the wall or the total silent treatment that makes u dwell in remorse???

Lol… ever going changes…

Romeo strides in….a total brick….gem of a person I would say… not coz of caring or what… nah.. I wouldn’t brand him as caring… but loving??? Hmm more like someone who knows what to say at the rite time…. Buttering??? - yes… but only at the correct time with the correct amount…..

Haha… sure did know how to make a gal feel like a gal… but such talents don’t go unseen….rite? so there was romeo…showing off his talents to myriad gals… but all under the covers….

One fine day, truth is revealed… yeah yeah… in one hell of a hilarious way….

*giggles*

N thus was the ending of a bond….sweet on the outside but filled with chicaneries….

Then comes CupId… another one who surely, surely has sugar on his lips…but over cloying always has a disadvantage… trust was never there…keke.. not to mention the sudden development of extra feelings…

Yeah… less than a day to fall in love… less than a few hours to feel euphoric…. Now is that a joke or what? Sweet words falling on deaf ears….promises branded as false… but CupId Just had to go on n on….

Undeniably, there were times, feelings of empathy came for CupId.. feelings of sorry n pity... which led to helping CupId... was sure a dean class actor… lol…guess CupId got tired of waiting… hehe.. better try his skills elsewhere where sure to reap fruits…

The one thing that strikes me is…. Y are these ppl so pathetic? Yeah pathetic is the word… y cant the c the bond of camaraderie that lies between al the time spent talking n laughing together? Y does is have to be their way? Sad but that’s how it is…

Well, once ur done n over with them, old would never dies… hehe… romeo oh romeo… just had to come back….well oni this time it was not with sweet words, but with spats… funny aite? What that once seem so precious, is no longer even treated with humanity….

What ppl say is perceived in a diff manner just coz of guilt…. Yeah yeah… I bet romeo is dwelling in guilt…and that’s what led to today’s whole burst up….. me talking to AnakLiar generally bout wannabe heroes… with a teasy tone… yet Romeo thinking its for hiself…

Now WHY on earth would I wana talk bout dufus heads like that? Hehe… not oni waste of time n effort, but its pointless…..

*shakes head dramatically*

Lol… this people…2 frenships gone in the air… 3 actually…not forgetting the friendship that went together with CupId…. MaX @ CupId’s Fren….

Well, aint is a cliché that the oni thing sure about life is changes will never stop changing it…. Ppl change…. N so do i…..

* PaSt :) PreSent :( Future K :| *